Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
