He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We have so much sex to catch up on
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
