Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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