Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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