3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
