my mouth tastes like poor choices
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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