I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
