The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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