there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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