Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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