I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
