I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
