Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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