yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
he was CRYING into my vagina
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
