I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
