please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
