just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
