I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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