I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
