I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
