ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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