I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
