youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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