Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
