If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
