she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
