why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
