i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
