Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
