I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
