i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
