Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
