Tell her she can't have a vagina
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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