sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
