we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
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Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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