sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
