Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
