Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Randomize
