I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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