If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
