Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Randomize
