And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
This show inspires me to have sex in space
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
