My hand turned me down
it was like eating out sand paper
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
