Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
