I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
