In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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