so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize