I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
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He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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