i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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