OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
