He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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