How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
