Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
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