Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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