I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
