ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
