I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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