so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
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We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
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I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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