This is not my ceiling
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
