why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
