I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
