if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
